Vegetables — Do I Gotta?


Say the word “salad”, close your eyes and what do you imagine? I see either crunchy iceberg lettuce or soft baby greens – copious amounts of some sort of salad dressing and a bit of cheese.

I have never been a big fan of salad and to be honest it is no doubt married to the fact that I really don’t like vegetables in any fashion. I have no idea why this is, it just is. It’s not like I was terrified by some guy in a giant carrot suite during a childhood birthday party or beaten with a limp stalk of asparagus. Granted, in my house growing up, the asparagus came in a can – this has got to be one of the worst things to do with that particular vegetable. It has no resemblance to the item that went into the can at the start of the process. It is a tasteless, mushy, pale and altogether dead thing. I guess you could call it “zombie asparagus”.

There are some veggies that I like, but sadly not served in a very healthy way. I love cucumbers cut in chunks, drowning in a sauce of mayo, sugar and milk. I will have to find a way to do this in a healthy way. Maybe I’ll try low fat yogurt, splenda and fat free milk? If any of you have an idea about this, please let me know.

Another favorite are potatoes – but of course with butter, sour cream etc. Don’t even say it – I’ve tried the yogurt substitute for the sour cream and it just is not the same. The fat free sour cream is pretty much like the earth before God did anything with it; void and without form. Let’s face it – fat free sour cream really serves no purpose in my kitchen when it comes to flavor.

So how to tackle the problem with vegetables? I know that the more of them I eat the better I will be. More vegetables and less of the fattening things leads to a healthier me – but if you recall, “me” strongly dislikes veggies. I have friends who are vegetable lovers. They could live solely on those little buggers and be happy. Oh how I wish they would satisfy me too!

As I write this I recall hiding peas in my napkin so Mom would let me leave the dinner table. (another vegetable zombified by canning) I realize I have been zig zagging my way around those green, red, yellow bits of food all my life. My taste buds never acclimated to that part of the food pyramid. Maybe I should try hypnosis and make green beans taste like steak, or carrots taste like crispy fried chicken! Now that’s an idea to pursue.

As always – send those suggestions. Vegetables will be eaten and liked dang-gummit!

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About Larry Smoot

I am a writer and foodie who recently moved to Montreal.
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One Response to Vegetables — Do I Gotta?

  1. Hi Larry, it's Sus. ::waves::I'm not a huge veggie fan either, but I force 'em down (you know this – you've seen me eat salad).How about steamed broccoli with black pepper & parmesan on top? Or with lemon pepper seasoning? Cucumbers with hummus or babaganoush instead of your mayo concoction? Or roasting fresh asparagus in the oven with olive oil, salt & pepper, and a sprinkle of parmesan? Or wrapping them in low-fat ham and roasting them?

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